"the course of Western Civilization"

作者自述(中英文版)

这是《西方文明的历程》《购买本书》的作者自述一节,欢迎大家购买阅读。

作者自述(中英文版)

本人姓傅名峻,性别男,生于1971年,祖籍福建莆田,童年在福建邵武市最偏僻、山区的肖家坊长大,所以对山有一种特别的感情,8岁,三年级时随母亲调动来到福建漳州,除了又回到福建南平读了4年大学外,一直居住于漳州直到现在,由于经历复杂,具体是何方人氏一时还真不好说,不过在漳州待了三十几年,称为漳州人氏应该不会有异议,从这个简历也可以看出我是一个标准的八闽子弟,八闽大地都几乎留下我的身影。

在高三面临高考这个人生最关键的时刻,我却遭遇了人生最大的困境,我似乎进入了一种哲学家的境界,小小的年纪就经常思考生还是死?生命的真谛?人生的意义?存在的价值?是物质决定意识,还是意识决定物质?这些根本性的问题,现在回想起来应该是悲剧性的状况,当时稚嫩的年龄根本就无法承受对这些根本问题的思考,于是整个身心处于完全紊乱的状况,严重影响学习,所以高考成绩很不理想,被统配到福建林学院。统配是80年代末的一种高考制度,现在可能很少有人知道,也就是报考志愿时承诺服从国家安排,在考分不理想时由国家统一分配。

当然我这里没有任何诋毁母校福建林学院的意思,而且我非常感谢它,福建林学院位于福建南平市郊的西芹镇,离市区还有二十几公里,再进去就是荒山野岭,我记得与几位同学曾经骑自行车进去探险过,至少半小时的车程内几乎没有人烟,林学院使我在幽静,几乎与世隔绝的环境中度过了人生最关键的四年,这里没有大城市的喧嚣与浮躁,也没有商业城市的世俗与市侩,我经常躺在学校操场的石阶看台上,望着满天的星星,黑黝黝的荒山野岭,无限的感慨,感慨人生迷惘与痛苦,现在回想起来还真想回到那个青涩的年龄,那个迷惘的年代,青春虽然无知、痛苦但毕竟无价。

所以我非常感谢母校福建林学院,它让我知道大山的神秘与幽远,宇宙的广袤与深邃,有时觉得我现在的气质、性格似乎都是林学院养成的,独恋荒山野岭,悠然于尘世外。度过了迷惘痛苦而又珍稀宝贵的四年后分配回漳州,就职于福建省第七建筑工程有限公司。随着年龄的增长,这时候思考的问题也更加广泛,也使自己更加迷惘、困惑,甚至时常感到人生处于一种绝望状态,也正是这些因素使我更深入地了解了佛教、道教这些传统的东方神秘主义,更感到生命神秘与奥妙,在这些基础上又逐步认识了基督教,基督教的博爱使我的心态慢慢恢复了正常。这时候的我也开始关注东西方文明的区别,漳州属于最早对外开放的城市,民国时候留传下来的教堂很多,我就读的漳州市苍园小学,漳州三中就是原来的教会学校(属于原来教会学校——正德女子中学的小学与中学部)。有天在朋友的书店闲坐,书店对面是间古老的教堂,在暮色苍茫中,急着回家的熙熙攘攘的人群络绎不绝地经过书店门口,在这个最是世俗情怀的时刻,突然间我豁然有悟,基督教,上帝,是不是就是东西方文明区别的关键所在?是不是也是拯救自己的关键所在?其实当时也无法完全醒悟,只是朦朦胧胧有点感觉,觉得人生在朦朦胧胧中有了点希望,在后来的思考中,也就多了基督教这个因素,在之后的人生中,也多了坚信上帝这个信仰,于是感觉人生也越来越有希望,与原来是完全不同的两个世界。

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如果当时在美国的话,我可能就以写作为生,至少如垮掉一代一般一边困惑一边宣泄自己的思想,可是在中国这种世俗的社会里,要求你的是出人头地,赚钱买房,当时国企效益极差,工资根本就难以满足这些,于是就有了辞职下海的念头,当然还有一个最主要的因素,就是我想亲身体验为什么说资本家的利润叫剥削,以当时的书生气对这个问题实在无法理解,后来通过自己濒临绝境、痛不欲生的体验才知道,资本家的利润不是剥削,撇开知识产权不说,更是绝望、痛苦,甚至死亡的代价。

我大学时就读的是木材机械加工专业,与家具设计有关,也与后来流行的装饰设计有关,于是就下海于2000年创办漳州市玉成装饰工程有限公司。在生意场上几度沉浮,经历过成功也经历过惨败,阅尽了人间无数的沧海桑田,我记得最凄惨的时候,身无分文,在苏州,连给友人的女儿买泡泡糖的一元钱都没有,那时我知道了什么叫走投无路,山穷水尽。但是我也由此知道了什么叫卷土重来,绝地反击,知道了上帝的伟大,诚实、善良的力量,我的最后一搏无比的惨烈、悲壮,当时已经彻底处于破产状态,只要任何一个材料商催债的话,我也只能跑路,因为包括我家庭在内的任何一个资源已经无法承担这些债务。我只能从一点一滴的小事做起,我向每一个材料商解释求情,希望他们不要催债,同时认真地对待每一个客户,以极至的诚实,善良要求自己,终于起死回生,将自己从破产状态挽救回来,将所有的债务还清后还攒了点小钱,有了一点小房产。我这里声明一下,今天能够起死回生,确实是上帝的功劳,很多时候面对困境时,我常默念上帝庇佑,这些祷告使我无比的平和也无比的自信。只是与任何一个起死回生的人一样,遭受如此一劫,已经看破了人生世道,也无比的疲惫,无比的想归依山林。

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最主要的是我终于知道了利润是什么,我知道了利润是资本家的全情投入,是知识,是智慧,更是辛酸苦辣,超人的付出,心力憔悴的疲惫,甚至可以说是死里逃生,明白了这个道理后,我对商场也失去了很多兴趣。这时候也发现自己的年纪越来越大,感到人生苦短,岁月无常,对于商场的拼搏也彻底索然寡味,对金钱已经没有任何概念,于是斩钉截铁决定继续年轻时在思想领域的探索,决定将此作为一生的事业。从2011年开始,虽然仍然接些小工程糊口,但是我挤出所有的时间背英语单词,因为要研究西方文明必须要阅读英文原著,不可能从翻译作品中研究,于是在工地等客户、工人时背单词,在回家路上背单词,我利用所有的时间背单词,阅读原著。

2014年我搬进自己购买的工作室,在这个完全属于自己的空间里,思绪更加自由自在,我每天凌晨4点多就来到工作室写作,路上最常见的景象是环卫工人艰辛的身影,宿夜狂欢后从夜总会中出来的东倒西歪的老板、坐台小姐,以及幽蓝幽远天空中的启明星,历时整整五年,终于完成这部一百二十万字的《西方文明的历程》,其中甘苦,灵魂深处的搏击就不述说了,就让它属于隐私吧。

About the author

My name is Fu Jun, a male, born in 1971 in Putian, Fujian Province. I grew up in xiaojiafang, the most remote and mountainous district in Shaowu of Fujian, so I have a special feeling for mountains in my life. When I was eight years old, I came to Zhangzhou of Fujian in the third grade because of my mother’s job transfer. Except for coming back to Nanping of Fujian for four years of college, I have lived in Zhangzhou until now. Due to the complicated experience, It’s hard to say precisely where a man I am from, but I have been living in Zhangzhou for more than 30 years, so there should be no objection to being known as a man of Zhangzhou. Also, we can see from this resume that I’m a typical child of Fujian, and I almost have lingered in all lands of Fujian. In the third year of senior high school, I encountered a tremendous crisis, facing the most critical moment of my life. It seems that I had come into the realm of philosophers. At such a young age, I often thanked about life or death? The essence of life? The meaning of life? The value of existence? Is it that material determines consciousness? or does consciousness determine material? In retrospect, pondering these fundamental questions was a tragedy for me. At that time, I was so young that I couldn’t bear to think about these profound questions, so I fell into a complete disorder, which seriously affected learning. Therefore, the college entrance examination results were unsatisfactory, and I was assigned to Fujian Forestry University. The assignment was a kind of college entrance examination system in the late 1980s of china. Few people may know now. It was that you must promise to comply with the country’s arrangement when the examination scores weren’t ideal, and the government would allocate you a college.

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Of course, I don’t mean to slander my alma mater–Fujian Forestry College here; instead, I thank it very much. The Fujian Forestry College was located in Xiqin Town, a suburb of Nanping, Fujian; it was more than 20 kilometers away from the city. There were barren and wild mountains if you went farther from the college. I remember that I had bicycled to travel around with some classmates, and almost no men lived on at least half an hour’s drive. I spent the most critical four years of my life in this quiet and isolated environment. There was no noise and impetuousness of a big city or the secularity and philistine of a commercial city. I often lay on the stone steps surrounding the school playground, looked at the stars glimmering in the sky, mountains shadowing the mountains, feeling the painful, bewildered, puzzling life with infinite emotion.

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Reminisced sometimes, I really like to go back to that green and lost age; though youth is ignorant and painful, it is also priceless. Therefore, I take massive thanks to my alma mater, Fujian Forestry College. It lets me know the mystery and faraway of mountains and the immensity and profundity of the universe. Sometimes I think that my temperament and personality are all shaped by the Forestry College. I love the wild and mountains by myself and indulge in the delight of being far away from the world. After four years of college life full of agony, pain, and preciousness, I was allocated back to Zhangzhou and worked in No.7 Construction Engineering Co., Ltd of Fujian.

As I grew older, my thinking reached a more expansive realm, making me more confused, and perplexed, and I even felt that my life fell into despair. Nevertheless, it is also a reason to give me a deep understanding of Buddhism and Taoism, the traditional oriental mysticism, and the mystery and profundity of life. On this basis, I came to know Christianity bit by bit; the Christian fraternity returned my mind to normal little by little. At this time, I also began to pay attention to the differences between Eastern and Western civilizations. Zhangzhou was one of the earliest cities opened to the world. And the Republic of China left behind many churches. I attended the Cangyuan primary school of Zhangzhou and Zhangzhou No.3 middle school, which all were the previous church school (belonging to the primary and middle schools of women’s Zhengde church school). One day, I relaxed in my friend’s bookstore, an old church facing straight it. It is twilight, and the bustling crowds passed by the bookstore’s door, rushing home in an endless stream. At this most secular moment, I suddenly realized that Christianity was the key to the difference between Eastern and Western civilizations? Was it the key to saving myself? In fact, I couldn’t wake up entirely about that time; I just felt a little sentiment and a little hope in the obscure life. In my thinking afterward, there was more Christianity. In my life later, there was more belief in God. So I felt that life was more hopeful, was thoroughly another world different from the previous.

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If I was in the United States in those days, I might make a living by writing, at least like The Beat Generation, venting my thoughts while confusing. However, in a secular society like China, what you were required was to stand out in the crowd and store up money to buy a house. At that time, state-owned enterprises’ gains were inferior and could not meet these requirements. So I had the idea of resigning and going into the business; of course, the most important factor was I wanted to find the answer by myself why capitalists’ profits are called exploitation. At that moment, I couldn’t understand the problem with the bookish spirit. Later, I learned from my own experience that capitalists’ profits are not exploitation. Apart from intellectual property rights, they are the cost of despair, pain, and even death. In college, I majored in wood machining related to furniture design and later popular decoration design. Therefore, when I went into the business, I founded Zhangzhou Yucheng Decoration Engineering Co., Ltd. in 2000. I experienced ups and downs in the business several times, went through both success and failure, and read about countless vicissitudes of life in the world.

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When I recollect the past, the most miserable time is when I was In Suzhou. I even hadn’t a dollar to buy bubble gum for my friend’s daughter. Around that time, I knew what was being driven into a corner and a hopeless dilemma. But I also recognized what an extreme counterattack was? How glorious, great is God? And what incredible power are honesty, kindness, and brotherly love? My last fight was extraordinarily bitter and tragic solemn. At that time, I was indeed in a state of bankruptcy. If any material supplier called loans, I could only vanish away because my resources, including my family, couldn’t bear these debts. So I could only believe great oaks grow from small acorns and strive to do any tiny thing step by step; I explained to every material supplier not to ask for debts. At the same time, I dealt with every customer seriously, demanding myself to be utmostly honest and kind to them. Finally, I struggled back from bankruptcy. After paying off all the debts, I saved a little money and bought a small real estate. Like anyone surviving a tragedy or suffering from a disaster, I have seen through life that I was extremely tired and craved to enter seclusion.

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But The main reason is I eventually know what capitalists’ profits are. I recognize that profits are the total devotion of capitalists, including love, life, knowledge, wisdom, bitterness and twistedness, the most arduous efforts, and the extreme fatigue of mental and physical exhaustion, even as I risk life and limb. After understanding this, I lost a lot of interest in the business. At this time, I also found that I was getting older and felt life was short and time was swift. I was monotonous with the business and had no concept of money. Therefore, I decided to explore the ideology I was interested in at a young age and took this as a career of my rest life. Since 2011, although I still took on some small projects for a living, I squeezed out all the time to recite words. Because of studying western civilization, which is impossible to study from translation, I must read original English works. Therefore, I memorized words when waiting for clients and workers at the worksite, on my way home, etc.I used all my time reciting words and reading the original works. In 2014, I moved into the workroom I bought. In this space belongs to me, my thought is more unrestricted. Every day I come to the workroom to write at 4:00 a.m. The most common sight on the road is the hard figure of sanitation workers, the boss and the bar girl tottering out of the nightclub after the night carnival, and the star in the blue and remote sky. It took me five years to finish the 1.2 million-word book “the course of Western civilization.” The struggle in the soul will never write out; let it belong to privacy.

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